Tuesday, September 23, 2008, 04:04 PM
Wow.... talk about overwhelmed.
Two days of orientations and tada... pushed into a corner office with all my own goodies and a fantastic mess from the women who left the office before me. I mean stacks of paperwork left over! Stacks!!
I'm supposed to be getting training... next week... next week! In the mean time the first of the month is coming up, things are coming due and I have no idea how I am going to get any of this done.
so I had to take a few deep breaths today, tried to get started with no system access and hardly an idea of what I'm doing. Watch... tomorrow I will bring home an arm load of work.
Ah well.
[ add comment ] | permalink |
( 0 / 0 )Sunday, September 14, 2008, 06:42 PM
Its always amazing how hyper I get when I wanna do something. I've spent every minutes of free time this weekend on this idea.
Hopefully it will work I want it to so badly.
Bring the Columbia back. Oh it would be so much fun
Its hard to believe I've been in FSF 10 years now. 10 years... wow. I don't do much of anything for that long. But its amazing I still remember the first conversations I had... Cuce and Shuni and some fella named Brad... I don't think he's around anymore.
Anyways I've re-recruited three people back to the Columbia... hopefully I'll get more. And we'll see where we go.
[ add comment ] | permalink |
( 0 / 0 )Saturday, September 6, 2008, 08:43 AM
Happy as a clam... Mackenzie has made it through the first week of Kindergarten and so did I...
She loves it. I'm so proud of her.
[ add comment ] | permalink |
( 0 / 0 )Monday, September 1, 2008, 08:04 AM
Wow, I thought I had another year
I recently put mackenzie in a private school that had a preschool class. I wanted her to get used to the new environment before she started organized classes. Which they do for their preschoolers. I was very impressed with the make up of the school and the ciriculum.
Friday the preschool teacher and the Kindergarten teacher came to me with a surprising revelation. Mackenzie was tested for the preschool classes and passed with flying colors. To the point where they want to put her into Kindergarten right away! The preschool teacher explained that mackenzie knows most of what she would be teaching the kids and doesn't think she can do as much for Mackenzie's education as the Kindergarten class will.
Now Mackenzie is a fabulous learner, she loves school. But I have to admit i was taken back a bit at the proposal. Still I agreed. I don't want to short my child anything.
So... at 4 Mackenzie is going to Kindergarten! And I'm a nervous wreck.
[ add comment ] | permalink |
( 0 / 0 )Wednesday, August 6, 2008, 06:17 PM
Its a long story.
When I was a little girl, sweetcorn colored hair, bare feet and a summer tan my pop would picture me up after church every sunday and take me to Mcdoogles (I couldn't say McDonalds just yet) He was the man that I wanted to spend every summer day with. Him and my daddy were the best of friends. There wasn't a subject the didn't agree on. When I was a little girl, my pop would send my sister and I presents, around our birthdays but never on them. From places he visited, Japan, we got little silk jammies, Hawaii, green grass skirts. I remember them as if they were still in the closet and I could pull them out.
When I as 8ish... my parents stopped going to the same church as my grandparents. The trips to McDoogles stopped suddenly.
By 9 my parents were divorced. My mother moved away and rarely visited. Daddy was left with too little girls and no idea how to cook anything but Mac-N-Cheese.
By the time I was old enough to understand what had happened I was too upset with everyone in my life to believe any of it. Considering it had all be over religion. Daddy and Pop no longer spoke, Mom and daddy are friends but well, faith is a matter of opinion.
I've always been the sort of person who makes a judgement and sticks with it. My pop like my father had been my best friend... how could that change because we didn't believe the same things? So as I got older i kept an eye on things. Pop remarried (gram died when I was 2) moved to Texas. I have an Uncle whose younger then me (go pop!) My sister finally came to terms with the abandonment of our granddad (she's slower then me, cuter but slower) She calls him Murl and never wants to hear from him.
In a few weeks I'm going to be 29 years old. It will be 21 years since I've last seen my Granddad, my little uncle isn't so little anymore and has a baby girl. (Gotta love the internet) My dad is turning 51 my grandad is 77. Neither of them talk to each other.
I've always had my grandfathers phone number. I've often dialed most of the numbers only to stop myself. What would I say? What wouldn't I say? How could you? Don't you love me? Did I do something wrong?
Tonight, I finally dialed all those numbers. And a voice answered the phone, the same voice I've heard in my dreams. The one I remember spiriting me away every sunday afternoon. Turns out I'm not the only one whose been keeping taps on family members (must run in the family) Pop wanted pictures of the girls. Addresses, dress sizes. Wanted to know how my sister was doing.
I hung up, never asking why he left, if he loved me. I didn't have to. The sound of his voice on the phone answered all those questions for me. He wants to talk to Daddy, but didn't have a phone number. I gave it to him... and passed pop's email address onto my dad. Maybe someday they're reconcile. Maybe someday we'll see each other again.
Heres to hoping.
[ add comment ] | permalink |
( 0 / 0 )Saturday, August 2, 2008, 04:11 PM
Total turmoil and utter choas. My mind is this huge mess and I'm too tired to admit it to anyone. I feel like I'm on this roller coaster and if I hold on really tight and close my eyes sooner or later the ride will be over.
Between work and home and everything in between I feel totally worn out. And I wonder if its weakness on my part or is it like this for everyone? Was it like this for my parents?
[ add comment ] | permalink |
( 0 / 0 )Friday, July 25, 2008, 06:54 PM
What do you do when your world is hanging on my a thread? When you think you've got control but deep down you really know better?
I feel it, I can still feel it. The turmoil and I hate being powerless to do anything about it. It makes me so mad at myself, my weakness. My faults. Why can't I be more? Why am I so... limited. I hate it! Its not fair. No one should feel so alone and trapped and helpless.
An empty house. No one to share it with. It can drive you insane. Its not fair!
[ add comment ] | permalink |
( 0 / 0 )Sunday, July 13, 2008, 09:54 AM
So what do you do when you know that what you're doing isn't going to change?
If you're dating the forever procrastinator and nothing is going to change... because it just doesn't. Goals, plans... ideas dreams.. do they matter? They'll never come true, there's no committment behind them. Nothing. They start out strong and fizzle with the prospective of putting them off for another day... and then another week.. Months pass by with effortless idea's.
20 years will come and go and there will be nothing to show for a lives work but empty pockets and pitiful what might have beens.
I see it as if its already upon me, today not 20 years from now but now. And I do not know how to change it, only that inaction is worse then action. What action should I take? self preservation? The warning of things to come? struggle as I may?
Is not 40 years enough to make someone grow up? Is not the military enough to make someone grow up? Does it not matter that others lives, well being... very nurturing depend on the actions taken now?
Or am I melodramatic? Do I worry about things out of my reach?
[ add comment ] | permalink |
( 0 / 0 )Thursday, July 10, 2008, 04:05 PM
[ add comment ] | permalink |
( 0 / 0 )Monday, July 7, 2008, 10:15 AM
Poor poor mackenzie!!!
While building a stone dam in a creek behind our campsite, mackenzie dropped a large stone on her barefoot and broke her big toe, in two places. There are 5 stitches in place as well. My little girl was so brave, she didn't cry until she found out we had to take her to the hospital.
[ add comment ] | permalink |
( 0 / 0 )Next
