Thursday, February 21, 2008, 05:32 AM
Well, I have been out of the hospital for nearly 15 hours now, and my mind is in all sorts of places. I find it hard to focus on the things that I need to, and feel that it is harder to maintain my concentration on anything other then the fact that now I know that I have a disease. And even though it is treatable, and manageable, it still scares the shit out of me. I should not have been surprised since it has run in the family, and it was only a matter of time before I would start to show signs of it. It still scares me a lot.
Now that I have returned home after 8 days of being locked up in a mental facility, I have found that my friends here at the house are pretty relaxed and understanding. I had expected Rocco to be all over me, asking questions about the website, or demanding that I get to work right away. I am glad that this was not the case. As the first few days out of the hospital are the worst. There are still suicidal thoughts, and major depression, and I try not to show this to anyone, but at times it slips out.
I have found that Tiffany has been a great help to me in this time, and that she cares a great deal for me. I hope that in time, things will get better, and that I can start to get these problems under control. I have so many doctors appointments in the weeks to come that it is pathetic. There is a regular doctor, pain management, physical therapy, a therapist, and a psychiatrist. All to treat Bi-Polar Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attacks, and the many places in my body that hurt from past injuries.
I have started my own little pharmacy with the new medications, and I will have more to come as the doctors start to work together and sort this all out. So to all my friends and family, I thank you for bearing with me, and for your understanding of my needs. I have been distant from a lot of things, and not had the time to do the things that I love, or to talk to most of you. But now that things are on a right track, I can start to get back to leading a somewhat normal life.
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( 2.9 / 14 )Thursday, December 27, 2007, 06:37 PM
I am here again to write in my tale of woe. I called my sister in Florida on Christmas, and while that should have been a good thing to talk to family, I was hit with yet more bad news. My father has an Aortic Aneurysm and there is not a thing they can do for it. The size of it is so large, that they are afraid to do surgery on it. He has to change his habits and watch his blood pressure and such. If it ruptures, he will drop dead where he stands. This is not the news I wanted to hear. Are you getting tired of hearing how bad my life is yet? I figure that I am doomed. I have done some pretty bad stuff in my life, and I guess this is all payback. Can someone please pinch me and wake me up?[ add comment ] | permalink |
( 3.1 / 18 )Friday, December 21, 2007, 08:37 AM
Okay, so my last blog was kind of out there, and things have gotten a little better, and things have started to become a little more manageable. I have started to put together a support system, and check into options. PTSD and Depression really stink. Between the nightmares, and the constant thoughts racing through my head, I have been lost.
Now that things are getting better, and I am getting some help to deal with this all, I am going to return back to this world after Christmas. To the people that I have talked to from the FSF who have given their input and best wishes, thank you. It has helped. I look forward to seeing you all soon, back in action.
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( 3.2 / 23 )Friday, December 7, 2007, 01:40 PM
I have no idea who reads this, who knows me, or any of that stuff, but most will know that I have been very MIA lately and slacking in my duties not only as a host, but just in general. I will not go into complete details, rather just give the readers digest version of the whole situation so as to explain myself.
I took on a new job several weeks ago, and when I was asked what days/times I needed off, I gave the times for my sims, and my boss said that it would be no problem. This was not the case. As time went on, every day where I had to be home by a certain time to make it to a game, I was forced to work. As I spoke to my boss about this, he kept threatening to fire me because of it. We argued for two weeks over this. Then came the fact that he owed me a lot of money. I was using money from my pocket to make his business run, and he did not want to reimburse me for it.
I started to get pissed off, and we argued some more. He called me down to Trenton NJ, which is two hours from where I live. Once I got there, he told me that he had to let me go, and could only get me back as far as Newark, still an hour away from where I live, and I would have to find my own way home.
That was stressful, and at the same time, I had a friend who was flying into Newark because her brother had just died. So now there is a wake and a funeral to deal with in the next few days. Talking to her that night, trying to console her, we stayed up late. In the morning, I was asked to watch my other friends kids while they ran some errands. This would have been no problem as always. I was already stressed and tired, and ended up falling asleep, and was not there to meet the kid at the bus stop. The child was taken back to the school, where they called. Mind you, the kids were never in danger. But the school wanted to call DYFS on my friends for me falling asleep. I could not believe that I had done that.
And during all this time, it is the anniversary of my shortly ended tour in Iraq. My head has been messed up beyond belief. I have been so depressed and moody, that I began to do stupid things, for which I must seek professional help. The VA does not help.
There is so much more going on, but I have neither the time nor want to discuss this any further. All I have to say to all my fellow hosts, players, friends, and anyone else, is please forgive me for slacking in my duties these past few weeks. I am struggling to climb out of this hole, and will do so, just bare with me. For now, it is time to get ready for the wake, and try to stay sane. If you read this, and have a comment, please feel free to email me, or call me if you have my number. Until the madness ends, and I am back to normal, I bid you a great day.
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( 3 / 22 )Sunday, November 11, 2007, 01:54 PM
Okay, for those of you who know me, I am a nice guy, and tend to do what ever I can to help out. Sometimes to my own detriment. This has been the case as of late. I have taken on so many websites, and even though I tell people I will get to it when I can, due to the extreme amount of work, both volunteer and outside of the FSF that I have to do. So it really pisses me off, when you are doing something for free, and it is taking some time, and someone has the audacity to bitch about it. And be rude none the less. I really don't have to do any of it. I choose to do it, because I love the community. And when I am attacked 3 seconds after I sign onto AIM, because someone is too arrogant to figure out that what they seek has already been posted for several weeks, and they do not wish to take the time to figure out how to use or view it, and complains, and tells me to do something now, I get upset.
On another note, I was at the bar on Friday night to DJ, and thank God that Rocco was there, because I got so wasted, that by 12:30 I was passed out, laying on the bar. I hear that a few people have pictures, so I am waiting for them to come out so I can be laughed at. It was a sad night. I see I got the blog of the month, how I have no idea. Anyway, enough of my rant, time to get back to work on yet another website. Since the one that the person who made an ass out of themselves was almost done at that point, and is now done and posted.
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( 3.4 / 21 )Friday, November 2, 2007, 11:21 AM
So, just a few minutes ago, I was on the phone with one of my friends, talking about some web design stuff, when all of a sudden you hear his youngest son in the background screaming bloody murder. Come to find out, the boy had gotten his head stuck between the bars of the crib. My friend starts to freak out, and says that he has to go. Right before he hangs up, he says, "Okay, talk to you later. I love you. Bye." I love you? I died laughing.
He called me back a few moments later, and told me what had happened, and how he solved the situation. Then he asked me if he had told me that he loved me. I confirmed it, and he started laughing. It's the way he always hangs up with his wife, and with the panic that he was in, it just came natural. So we had our conversation, and when we got ready to hang up, I said it back to him in the sweetest voice I could muster.
It embarrassed the hell out of him, and we had a good laugh. So I think now, to make sure he never makes that mistake again, every time I talk to him, I will remind him about this.
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( 3.3 / 31 )Wednesday, October 31, 2007, 11:53 AM
Well, I have not been online for the last few days. Instead, I have been rather busy working for LiquidSky Productions, doing some DJ work. First there was Saturday, where we did a party at a club for their Halloween party. It was awesome how the DJ's had an open bar. 12 Crown and Cokes, and 4 shots of Dracula's Breath later, I was nice and toasted.
Then my surprise came. I was able to go DJ in a strip club for two nights. It's called "The Harem". The first night there was okay, nothing too exciting, but last night was awesome. I met a girl, and talked to her for a short while. Got her number, and set up some future business with her and the production company. Why? Because this girl is more then just a stripper, she is a PORN STAR! Yes, thats right, a porn star.
This is going to be so much fun. Between the music, the videos, and the websites, LiquidSky Productions is a great company to work for. I look forward to doing big things.
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( 3.2 / 27 )Friday, October 26, 2007, 09:12 AM
Well, last night was a blast. I spent the whole day babysitting, and after I returned home, and tried to take a nap after my long 10 hours with the kids, I was awoken by 'Mommy' to see if I wanted to go to the haunted house with the kids. So naturally I gabbed Ku, and we headed out. It had to be the stupidest haunted house I have ever seen, but I guess it was for the kids, so they liked it.
But that brings us to the subject of this post. Ku and I decided that we would scare Matthew, so as we left the group and pretended to head to the car, we rushed towards the second parking lot where they had parked, took up hiding positions, and waited to pounce. When the time was right, and the kid was trapped in between the cars, and facing a car, we both ran towards him, screaming, trapping him between the cars, and leaving him no where to go. It was funny watching him dive into the car, and locking the door.
We said goodbye once again, but had other plans in store. 'Mommy' had let on that she was going to go to the store to get a costume for the baby. So Will and I decided to race them to the store, and scare Matthew yet again. That went off just fine, and was quite funny. We did it again when we went to the second store, and below you can find the video and pictures of the fun we had in the store. Enjoy!
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( 3.3 / 30 )Sunday, October 21, 2007, 01:08 PM
Well, here is an update, since I seem to have laxed in the blogging department. Things have been okay. I talked to my family in their various states. That was good. There is nothing like talking to your family. I finished two more websites, and have taken on several more. Coding is so much fun! Seriously, I look forward to the launch of one of the sites. The new site for The Communique that is.
I have been playing a lot of video games and watching a ton of movies. I still can't wait for November 6th, and the release of Call Of Duty 4.
Then there is the old lady who lives above us. She complained to the apartment complex manager that we were making too much noise....at 1 in the afternoon.....watching a movie. First off, the noise level was not loud. You could not even hear it outside the front door, so I have no idea what her problem is. She is old, and claims that she takes naps throughout the day, and that we are disturbing her. The neighbor who lives on the side of us, said that she can't notice it. So who knows. She needs to shut the hell up already, and realize that we are not loud, and that she has no right to complain. We always hear her on our ceiling. And it seems that when she has her family over, that there is a lot of noise. Lots of banging, and running. This is why I hate apartments where people live above you.
Interestingly enough, I tried to watch a funky movie last night. "Lord Of The G-Strings". I must say, it had to be the worst movie I have ever seen. The acting was atrocious, The story was okay, and a ton of parodies. Then it was loaded down with a sex scene every 3 or 4 minutes. I guess from the title that I should have known. But you have to try everything at least once!
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( 3.1 / 26 )Wednesday, October 10, 2007, 08:52 PM
So I was at the store late the other night, and going down an aisle that had a lot of ethnic food, there was a section that was 'Irish Food'. Having never seen this before, I stopped to look to see exactly what it was that Irish people eat. And there where a lot of things I had never heard of, but one in particular stuck out.
There is was, just a lonely can, yellow and blue, with a label that stuck out at me. It was for a type of sponge pudding, and the maker of the product was a well known ketchup maker. But the interesting part of this little story is the main label of the can....
Now that is one food that I will not try!
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